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Lockers

from Turn Tail by Sreym Hctim

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lyrics

i keep many keys on me
for many lockers i upkeep
jangling, a ruckus when i roam the halls
hush now, it's not just me the screech troubles

you lent me a seed that would become a lotus
entrusted in my care from you're pond, and now where?

all i want is to

to nurture the small thing
from murky beginnings
to purely pretty blooms
and offer it to you

plant it out in the free and open
instead i stowed it alone
shrivel, shrivel, as leaves leave brittle
upheavals more and more prone

locker to locker, i shuffled it often
to fend off prying eyes, until latch and the strike

time, time, after time, frequent use, misalign
lockers, lockers, lockers, lockers
how many will i squander

seedlings die, soil line, deprived of light, out of sight
water, water, water, water
whence it wilts it will remain

turn the lock, ran in shock, squeezed the key so tightly
caustic, caustic, caustic, caustic
burnt me so, I fled to toss it

tears, tears, after years, dissipate, disappear
stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it
came across the key i casted

just like that i was back
the locker a coffin
the grief and the guilt had
embalmed me, can't keep cowering

muster, muster up the valor, very scared, saddled, addled
lockers, lockers, lockers, lockers
kept estranged my captive monster

foul, foul odors yowl through the slit, take a glimpse
stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it
it's not my fault, i didn't cause it

ponder, ponder when and whether would i rather come back later
better yet, safer bet, take the lock and switch for a
combination, might a maven brave and chastened one day aid in
proctor, proctor, proctoring me in retrieving

credits

from Turn Tail, released May 5, 2020

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Sreym Hctim New York

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